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By Naomi Ayala

I can do anything, so I try yoga nidra
to see if I can find him.
He’s been dead four years now
though I tell people when they ask, two. Just two.
My mind refuses what it wants
even if I haven’t lost anything.
One day I caw like a seagull
swooping in for a long dive.
Another, I am hunger waking up the bear.
Today I go to the trees to listen
and he is an old cedar, but sweeter than that.
When I was a girl, I knew I’d never be a girl exactly.
He was the only one who knew it
and let me run wild, would never tell the others.


Source: Poetry (December 2019)

  • Living
  • Relationships
  • Social Commentaries

Poet Bio

Naomi Ayala
Born in Puerto Rico, Naomi Ayala moved to the United States in her teens, eventually earning an MFA from the Bennington College Writing Seminars. An educator and arts administrator interested in environmental causes, Ayala has received numerous awards and has been a visiting humanities scholar for Hermana a Hermana/Sister to Sister and was co-chair of the board of directors for the organization Change: Building Social Justice, Starting in the Classroom; she co-founded the New Haven Alliance for Arts and Cultures. A former resident of Washington, DC, she currently lives in New Haven, Connecticut, and works as a freelance writer, educational consultant, and teaching artist.  See More By This Poet

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